


Savor

by imimmortalagain



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Feelings Realization, First Kiss, M/M, Mild Fluff, One Shot, POV Elim Garak, Pining, i was in a soft mood, its really sweet ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23934007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imimmortalagain/pseuds/imimmortalagain
Summary: "Why do you spend time with me?" The question sucked the air out of Garak, his chest burning with an exquisite pain to, for the first time in his life, tell the whole truth, let the utterances of his true feelings spill out into the air around them."Who else would I spend time with?" Garak decided upon, he let out a breath, "You're here, I like you, I presume you like me." I can't stay away. I'm irreparably in love with you. I desperately need you to love me.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 8
Kudos: 106





	Savor

Garak couldn't believe it, not fully anyway. He knew humans had a knack for love, for empathy, for care. But, damn, seeing it was so much more potent than hearing it.

The juxtaposition of Julian's steadfast loyalty to his cruelty when his implant started to break down burned into his heart. It hadn't stopped. It set a fever inside of him to the point that he couldn't wait for their lunches together. He couldn't wait to share an evening with him. He couldn't wait to play a bad game of Kotra with him. He couldn't wait to play a bad game of chess with him. He craved his time. Ate up those precious seconds as quick as he could. He snatched them as if they were fleeting. They weren't, not really, not for a Cardassian, his memory could retain each moment in meticulous clarity for years to come, but the irrational portion of him told him that unless he gave special attention to those moments, unless he put them up on a pedestal, they would disappear before the day was done.

~

Garak crossed the room finally coming to rest in front of their lunch spot, "Good afternoon, my good doctor." His smile was short and he set his table down gently with a little clink of metal on metal.

Julian returned the smile, "Afternoon, Garak." He pulled his tray in from the middle of the table before resting his elbows on either side of his tray.

Garak eyed Julian's half eaten meal, "I have never understood why you humans decided to treat your food like it was living and would run away at any second. You never savor anything." He used his fork to take a bite out of his own food. 

"And _I_ have never understood why you have been so evasive of my yearning to know you." Garak felt his stomach twist at 'yearning', he would've sworn it was the food.

"I'm sure if you look into most of my responses you'll find I didn't avoid them," Garak replied, reaching for his second bite, "I simply lied."

"I would hope you've given me some truth in these three years." Julian finished off his food and Garak smiled.

"I said most, not all," Garak let his fork rest against his plate, a sigh coating his lips at the taste of the food, "Besides, every lie shows some truth, Julian."

"Yeah?" Julian wiped off his face, "How so?"

"Looks at it this way." He pulled up his fork, "Every lie points away from the truth, enough lies and you have the truth." He had used his fork to imitate an arrow. "At least one of them, anyway."

"Care to reveal one to me?" 

"No," Garak said, crossing his arms, "Ask the right questions and they will reveal themselves to you."

"Why do you spend time with me?" The question sucked the air out of Garak, his chest burning with an exquisite pain to, for the first time in his life, tell the whole truth, let the utterances of his true feelings spill out into the air around them. 

"Who else would I spend time with?" Garak decided upon, he let out a breath, "You're here, I like you, I presume you like me." _I can't stay away. I'm irreparably in love with you. I desperately_ need _you to love me_. 

"Ever the man with impeccable charm." Garak smiled and returned to his food. "Anyway," Julian stood up, "I'm due back for my shift soon, I'm sorry to no longer _be_ here but I have to go."

"I won't even miss you." Garak insured that his tones carried the human's typical inflection of sarcasm. 

"I don't believe you," Julian said with a smile. "See you later, Garak."

"See you, Doctor."

~

Garak was restless that night. How couldn't he be. His heart so close to bleeding out of his mouth, he should be embarrassed. He was embarrassed. He should be upset. He wasn't, not for the Conservative Cardassian reason anyway. A sigh spilled past his lips.

He regretted his exile, choosing to stay here, walking up to Dr. Bashir that fine morning three years ago. He regretted every lunch since. He longed and craved for every lunch since. His heart pounded out a riveting beat every time they had those lunches. 

He sat and stirred. His body was still but his mind was anything but. These emotions they swirled to something overwhelming. Something painful. Something that swelled inside of him, begging for release. 

~

The next morning crawled upon him slowly. He didn't get any sleep that night. He couldn't dream of it. His mind was haunted by, his mind circled and drew around, his mind obsessed over Julian. He earned no reprieve. But as soon as the 0600 hit he started to dress for the day. He knew that Julian would be up and working by then. He needed to see him. 

His tunic was a little scandalous, flirtatious, revealing the scales of his neck like a young Cardassian might do. Like a Cardassian that was hot under the collar for someone might do. It wasn't a confession. It wasn't not a confession. He didn't want to acknowledge it. He wasn't going to acknowledge it. He wanted to let Julian, at least subtly, know that he'd give those scales to him with no fight. Well, no hostile fight. But that was for Julian to decide.

He strutted in front of the mirror, checking himself in the mirror. His hands smoothed over the front of his tunic and he nodded before turning on the heel of his foot and leaving his quarters.

He traced his way from the habitat ring to Julian's office. He walked into it without a care in the quadrant for the young nurse who told him that Julian wasn't taking visitors. 

"Garak?" Julian looked up from his PADD to the new inhabitant in his office.

Garak crossed the ground until he was leaning over Julian's desk. "I, Julian," He closed his eyes, "I can't stop thinking about you." He placed a hand on Julian's hoping that this was all he needed to say. He knew this was all he wanted to say, "I can't stay away from you. And every moment you're with me is fleeting. Julian, I want to savor it." 

Garak opened his eyes, his stomach clenching when he was still in Julian's office. When he realized that this was actually happening. He caught Julian's eyes lingering on him, his expression almost unreadable. 

Garak let air slip into his mouth, his eyes fell shut. He was afraid to see that piercing green stare. He took in another deep breath as the pads of Julian's fingers caressed his cheek.

He opened his eyes to see Julian whisper out, "Garak." Before leaning forward and guiding Garak's face to his. Their lips collided and Garak couldn't describe what he felt. All he knew, all he wanted, was the sweet gentleness of Julian's lips that made work of his lips as if they were his last meal. Oh, and he wanted to savor it. The moment was fleeting but it didn't run. 

Garak let the moment linger, spill into the air around them. He could touch the tenderness. The caring. The love. And he savored it.

He savored it. 

**Author's Note:**

> hey, yall if this looks familiar thats because its a rewrite of an Old work of mine.   
> im accepting oneshot requests (anything from smutty to fluffy) over at my Tumblr @nonbinaryriotchild so feel free to request one  
> leave comments


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